------ cherish
darlin left a note at 10:00 PM
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Sunday, July 24, 2005
Hey Hey Hey... haiz... time past so fast... why... am i slow... no... i'm even sacrificing day and night for everything...
don't know what happened inside my body... chest feel tight more oftenly... heart beats extraordinary... hmm... some times very fast... some times very slow... some times even stop... hmm... it looks like everyone has this symptoms mah... beats fast after u run... beats slow when sleeping... stop when dead... hey... not like wat u r thinking... haiz... won't understand... just hope that some one inform me when i'm dying...
talking about dying... i was doing my portfolio when i came across this question i had answered last year... if i have 100 days left to live, i would like to do the following things:
- gatherings
- eat the delicious cuisines that i never eat before
- go to the romatics spot that i never go before
- watch fireworks at the last day of my life
- meet my idols... hoho... impossible.. lolx
lolx... i very zai rite... i guessed... whether to accomplish all my wished before i die... hmm... it doesn't matter actually... everyone lives with regrets... everyone die with regrets... as long as i'm smiling before i closed my eyes forever, it will be greatest wish to do in my life...
talking about dying... i'm dying soon... so many projects... i almost can't breathe... help... don throw me the float... i'm not in a pool... relax... there's nothing impossible in this world...
ciao... tomolo is monday... haiz... school... heard my cousin quit school... and work part-time as a thief at home... haiz... don noe what to counsel her... yuan chin's sister oso run away from school... why like this... can some one explain to me... siao...
------ cherish
darlin left a note at 11:15 PM
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Friday, July 22, 2005
congratules derrick and kelly... get into the semi final round in project super star... as my wish...
haiz.. so anxious and so stress oso...
anxious because countdown 8 more days... not national day... not someone's birthday... not date... not blah blah blah... it my driving test... believe me... have faith in me... pray hard for me... specially the pressure comes from my mother... pathetic... wat so great about the license... got another piece of certificate... u guys will be the first to know my result... haha...
stress is because... firstly, my term test result is bad... poor than expectation... but i'll let u see miracle... my final exam will be better than my term test... believe me or not... i know u won't... haha... i'll let u see my supernatural power... secondly is my projects... not good leh... only got confirm in marketing intelligent data entry... cos i'm pro in microsoft mah... haa... wat so great about... as if bill gate is my master... haiz... projects... no good no good... do oso no good... haiz...
in additional... today my driving instructor complained to me... now i realised being single is most blissful option... haiz... haiz... like tt one lar... but i envy him... ask me to spy on her daughter... my junior lor... don tell her hor... poor thingy... my father got half of him, i'm grateful liao... i'm waiting when will my parents be signing the divorce letter... don scold me... i'm not a human... thank you...
------ cherish
darlin left a note at 6:50 PM
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Thursday, July 21, 2005
there's a struggle in me... i want to get rid of it... i wan to... i would rather to be the one who suffer than be the one to see others suffer...
the truth always hurt... whether it's good or bad...
i wanted to msg my leader than "let's have a bet"... life is full of bets, don't you think so... wat to bet about... bet about tonite's project superstar... if derrick wins, i will go sim chuan's group... if leon wins, i will remain in the same group... but i didn't have the courage to msg him... because i'm afraid of the result... let me have a good sleep tonight... please...
hui fen ah hui fen... why didn't you learn your lesson...
everyone seemed to hate her... i understand... everyone doesn't want to work with her... i understand... tell me not to care about her feelings... i can't... i wan to let her know, she is my friend... i can face her today, i cannot face her tomolo... and i wan to let everyone knows, all are my friends... i care for each and everyone of you...
scare of wat... scared they bullied me... in my territory... i can let you see what you can't see without my being...
i don't wan to be a hero... i just wan to be a shadow lurking in the dark for everyone... i'm a ghost... but i'm a ghost with a heart...
and.. i'm sick of this ennui home... my home is separated into parts... i predicated...
------ cherish
darlin left a note at 11:34 PM
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Wednesday, July 20, 2005
actually... quite lazy to blog today... cos some thing important is waiting there for me to do... my engrg ecomony acct tutorial... haiz... maths... getting so fed up about it... let's make it short...
Happy 17th birthday to Daneil and Wesely...
borned in the same day, same month, same year but different characters...
Daneil - a furture life saver... always so happy - smiling everyday, every moment... friendly... my good sister... too bad i always bully him... but hor... not me always lor... he always kanna bullied by others - pity him lar... hmm... never saw him angry before... he likes muscular guy... O_O...
Wesley - a very clever person... always have a stand for himself - will not be left out... scared of me... doted by parents - only child in the family... hmm... forgot still got wat...
well... gotten this pen pal... ming yao... check him out in my friendster... he added me... den we started to chat... i donno him... a stranger who wanna cheat a young lady... "young lady... me?!... pathetic... i donno lar... just say say only..." den chat and chat and chat... quite fun but i quite lazy to reply him... lucky didn't give him my hotmail add ah... or else can chat until the end of the world oso non-stop... he is definitely not my type... but hor... i feel very funny... y me ah... not the first time liao leh... sian ah... y not 5566 or F4 ah... haha... or maybe the president oso can......... don wan ah... later chat political issues with me... die faster...
WHATEVER HAPPENS, HAPPENS FOR A REASON....
- jasmine wee
------ cherish
darlin left a note at 9:47 PM
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罗志祥 Law, Alan
灰色空间 (斗鱼Ⅱ主题曲)
曲：Yoo/Young Seok 词：姚若龙 编：陈飞午
原来不是白就是黑 只不过是天真的以为
要醉得清醒 要无辜的犯罪
现实的世界只有灰
坚强得太久好疲惫 想抱爱的人沉沉的睡
卷来的风暴 凶猛里有种美
死了心 痛就没有感觉
灰色空间 我是谁 记不得幸福是什么滋味
无路可退 你是谁 怎么为我流泪
梦见发着光的草原 一身伤回到很久以前
我选择不恨 带着平静走远
醒来后 夜还是长夜
灰色空间 我是谁 记不得幸福是什么滋味
无路可退 你是谁
怎么为我流泪 紧抱着我流泪
------ cherish
darlin left a note at 6:28 PM
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Tuesday, July 19, 2005
yesterday morning
lesson starts at 10am, go school at 10am... haiz... mktint lab... haiz... stupid teacher...
yesterday afternoon
while having my tea lunch, hui fen was complaining that she kanna scolded by a lecturer for interrupting their conversation... haiz... nothing to talk about tt again... then... saw this guy in brown shirt and jeans, a few tables right to me... omg... i was staring at him... observing him like wat hell... he looked like... kyeo... i'm not lying... especially his side view... 99% alike... i was thinking maybe i missed him a lot... so look at guy oso feel alike... pathetic... no lor... "who is he to make him missed him for no reasons... wat is past is past hor... don rake up that stupid history..." he really look alike... i even msg kyeo and comfirm plus chop that he was n't in eng sch, breadboard eating western... he was having lec at that time lor... i wanted to take picture of him... but, my phone low batt... sad... miss tt chance... next time take photo of tt kyeo's twin brother and proved to u all... i'm not lying... for sure... and he really look alike to him...
den, psps... while paing-ing the piece of work to present, we were chatting about xiao rui... he wanted to go overseas during the holiday... i can't pronounced the conutry name... somewhere bel says very popular of it's snorking... but xiao rui wanna have parachute... den ask us(me and hui fen) along... i was like... hUh... he got a house there... no wonder... but... not a bad idea... but... mission impossible... his birthday is on 12th apr... others of his family members were libra-ian... wah... no wonder cannot be together... "according to horoscope expert, couples with the same horoscope are not recommended to be together... same surname oso not recommended..."
oso... not forgetting, when xiao rui said he was younger than hui fen... hui fen was disappointed... she gave the feelings like... oh my god... my target gone... haha... really lar...
in the bus stop, jocelyn was complaining about hui fen... she was really fed-up about hui fen... suddenly saw xiao rui with a gal... oh...
yesterday evening
curry fish head was the main dish for the night... cos the dinner starts eariler... i ate a few mouth and den went to bathe... went i came out... my house was empty... no people... i tot i was in a dreamland... no lor... tt was scary... i could only hear my footsteps and breathing... everyone was gone without any noise... i continue my dinner... finally finished tt lonely plate of rice... i scoped the bowl of fish head... put it into a container... removes all the bones... slowly and carefully... so quiet and lonely for half and hour... so pathetic man... finally my father came back from 201... my first question... where is my brother... where is my brother... "don noe... my father replied..." tears were throbing in my eyes...
for the whole night, i felt that i was like a 6 years old child... i lost my mind... lost myself... lost everything... tt feeling was horrible... too tired... went to bed early...
additional
vera is absent for that day... mktint teacher asked me whether vera got contribute in the project or not... wat do u wan me to say... of course got lar... but tt stupid a bit don believe... asshole lar... i say wat he oso don believe... psps teacher oso complained...
today
10am lesson... 10am den go school... wes they all were discussing about the decan project.. sper kaisu... i only could hear but cannot concentrate... doing my own things... i just say one sentence... change the whole situation... the teacher didn't explain what he wants us to do in the project, why are you all discussing about... "zai rite..." went to find teacher lor...
haiz... got back decan results... disappointed... disappointed... i studied so hard... got back like this... 20/30... ppl no study oso can get 18 or 24 lar... i studied only can get 20... feng sheng can even get full marks... wat the hell did he ate... haiz... feel like dying... don noe the other test papers will get how much... don wan same situation ah... if not, you won't be able to see me the next time...
vera is absent again.... skipping school with wei kang again... if can, the whole week don come lar... no diff... haiz... don noe wat to tell them... i have no right for words... they have their own world... i can't interrupt... i can't do anything... jus let them know that i'm happy tt they don go school...... but still can score well for exams...
------ cherish
darlin left a note at 9:30 PM
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Sunday, July 17, 2005
the smile you have, why can't we share the joy together...
the tears you have, why can't we share the pain together...
don't forget,
we vow to be friends,
for this life
and next life.
the moments we have,
we need two hands to clap.
unbelievable... it was actually written by me... how could it be...
piang-ing reports again... haiz... can anyone understand my mind...
nope... don pretend...
nite... i'd gone crazy...
------ cherish
darlin left a note at 11:23 PM
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Saturday, July 16, 2005
Bonjour...
a nice day to start with an exciting plans...
woke up 10 plus and rushed to Paragon for appoinment... hehe... wan to be pretty is like that... IPT, that's the specilist medicial clinic name... an expert... garantee with good result.. i recommend... very famous...
IPL
Paragon
Lobby B, #08-03
Dr Valentin Low... wat's ur first impression after u heard this name... male or female... wat do u think....
he is a nice guy but too bad, a bit sissy... i personally feel lar... cos he everyday work in a place where there are more than 6 pretty ladies staffs and him, the only guy in the clinic... patethic with he and his eyes... haiz...
had multiple laser bites on my face... tt stupid doctor... say not pain, only so heat... cheat my feelings ah... almost wan to cry... haiz... so paisay... but still got 4 more sessions.... haiz... costed a boom... $2500++... don worry... will repay everything to my mother slowly when i go out to work...
i don now what happened... i feel like i don have the courage to look eyes to eyes at guys... excluding my family members lar... feel lost and... shy... is that the word... Dr Low is one of them... where is my seducing power... lost in the streets...
haiz... tomolo have to wake up 7+ to help out in the CC... haiz... really no pain no gain ah... nite... look on the bright side of life...
It is not the mountain we conquer but ourselves.
++ Sir Edmund Hillary
------ cherish
darlin left a note at 11:44 PM
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Friday, July 15, 2005
cloudly sky with the drowsy eyes...
having big headache and slight fever... force myself to get up in the morning... i can predict that my whole day will be drowsy... but i just can't do nothing for the day... got driving lesson at 2.30pm... okay lar... still can manage though 2 weeks didn't touch liao... then went to meet wesley to pass him the survey forms... poor thingy... have to setttle 60 copies of it... ob report some more... haiz... wanna go vera's house and pass her her share of the survey forms... but she is so busy in something that no need to explain to much... not self-sacrifices... but... one more person be happier than one more person be stressful... as wat i always says... as long as you are happy...
i do lor... but have to see some one faces.... i beg her to help... and the her is... my mother lor... now i'm repaying back for her... go and find all the catering company in singapore... but hor... the survey form is not good at all... now i realised... bad... no feelings at all... but too late liao...
the relationships between me and my mother didn't changed at all... she can't hear me talking, i speak louder... she took revenge... i remember when i was small, she told me, one day she will cursed to death because of me... one day she will be behind the bars because of me ot i will behind the bars because of her... one day i will die dreadfully...
'if i lied, i go out to the streets, i will be killed by the vehicles, striked by lighting...'
nothing good will come out from her mouth towards me... she don't understand a human at all... some times human has attitude... tt's only temporary... since she always wan to win, everytime i call myself a ghost... because i'm such a nuiscance... don't give birth to me in the first place... i'm grateful... every month i will quarrel with my mother over small matter... and i can predict, this month round is approaching soon... i'm so sick of living... a burden in this world...
some one... please end this for me... this is getting to the peak of everything... i'm going to berserk...
------ cherish
darlin left a note at 9:25 PM
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something hasn't been right starting from the day...
having terrible headache since three or four days ago... it is horrible... makes you unstablize and may just fell down...
i just felt that days are getting shorter... i feel weak and my energy is almost running out... a catastrophic illness is falling onto me... once in a year...
projects... projects... projects.... wat a fucking thing to do in this world... some more with helpless members... i'm not motivate to complete the project at all... i don wan to do with them any more... i'm getting blood-shot... don let me get pissed off...
sometime, ur lovest person may not be the most acceptable person to your friends... what do u wan to live for...
courtship or friendship... frienship are eternally unlimited and forever... to have a friend is better to have an enemy... courtship is something that you want your fate to be fulfilled... something that you wan your love to be belonged to someone... something that you wan your hug and heart always to be warmth...
i don noe anything about courtship as i will live for friendship and die for friendship... although i know that the best friend in this world is your greatest enemy in you life, i hate being loved by some one... it is too selfish...
treasure what you have and don neglet what you owns...
Happy Birthday to Erwin(23/24) and Bang Han(19)...
nice dinner yeaterday with my classmates... seoul garden... too bad... i'm not too close with them... saw alex toh's........................... back view... hmm... not bad...
------ cherish
darlin left a note at 12:57 PM
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Wednesday, July 13, 2005
well well well...
firstly,
Happy 18th Birthday to Jia Seng...
He is a very nice guy... close to perfection... too bad... he is younger than me... or else i 'might' fall in love with him... too bad... i mind age different... even height and weight different i mind lor... picky mah... next life bah... he is also a good listener... has a mature mind... quite shocked last time when i chat with about my friendster blog...
secondly,
i'm getting better... heart will stilll beat abnormally fast some time... chest stress... shortage of breathe...
thirdly,
quite anxious... tomolo is my class first outing... seoul garden... pray that nothing 'negatively' will happen... sometime very hard to say... it will happen means it will happen... it will not happen means it will not happen...
and also... feel like going for some 'drinks'... should know wat i mean... remember the times we spent in Vietnam, Saigon, O2... i just wan some drinks and not drunk... no one accompany me then too bad lor... i don wan to be 'light blub' also... go home drink jolly sandy... pathetic...
lastly,
hmm... can see him everyday on friendster... his look made me happy... or why don't i say... he resembles some one who touched me before... some one who coloured my days... some one who can make me happy... and it is him... Feng Sheng and Ah Fu(he is one of the players in my dreamland, so near yet can't reached)...
hmm... just wondering when is Feng Sheng birthday... Libra babies... creatures in the universe...
----------
October
1st - Nicholas Tan Yan Ming (ex-pri sch classmate, my 1st admirer)
2nd - Toro (ex-energy member)
3rd - Me
4th - Irene (my brother's gf)
7th - Edison (Ryosuke Takahashi, 高桥凉介 in Initial D The Movie)
10th - Eugene (poly classmate)
11th - Takeshi Kaneshiro, 金成武
13th - Chun Pei (ex-pri and ex-sec classmate)
14th - Roy, 邱澤
15th - Xiu Ting (ex-pri sch classamte)
yet to update:
5th 6th 8th 9th 12th 16th 17th 18th 19th 20th 21th 22th
------ cherish
darlin left a note at 10:11 PM
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Tuesday, July 12, 2005
Symptoms:
1) woke up, found sucking her cheeks in (like a gold fish mouth) for a long period of time, cheek is slightly numb (kissing somebody in my dream?! no... definitely no...)
- Uchers
2) tired easily
- unable to concentrate
- day dreaming
3) whole leg numb easily
- cannot sit too long
4) get dizzy very easily, even bending down and rise up
- unable to concentrate
- cold sweat
5) heart beats very fast, about 130 beats per min
- shortage of breathe - about every 15 secs will need a deep inhalation
6) stress very easily
- unable to concentrate
- walk very fast
- slow action
7) hair kept dropping (it had been quite sometimes since my hand was filled with strangs of hair when i comb it)
- lose of hair
Diagnosed with:
Unknown illness
Medication:
Incurable
i'm not joking... i have been having these symptoms since i woke up, until now... and also i got a weird dream...
travelling in a taxi with a lady driver, my auntie and my mother... wanting to go toa destination but entered an entrance of a long stretch of dark gray mountains... with many variety of flowers growing on top of the mountains... the taxi driver want us to explore that mountains, free of charge... then just say followed, alight from the taxi and walked a few steps... got back the taxi and head for the exit... lose of direction... don know how to go to the original destination... anyhow turn... taxi fare already $19... den i anyhow gave a direction... thought it was the correct direction... anywhere got down and explored... got canteen and carpark... not the place that we wan to go... den suddenly saw a lift... all got in and reached... then i found out that i reached a new renovated A & One (the company i once worked before)... couldn't believe i muddle-head-lly found the place... Vincent Ooi was behind me (he is quite good looking lar)... he was wearing a light and thin yellow shirt... a red color t-shirt was penetrating out from his yellow shirt... i was laughing at him and correcting him how to wear... i found a door and wanted to entered into another department... i turned around and peeped at him... he was staring at me... then we were laughing there (for wat reasons?!)... den i woke up... headache... dizzy...
wah liao... wat happened... a lot of things were running behind my eyes and my brain... cannot concentrate at all... some more got some dummies doing the report... i'm editing every sentence that they wrote... every leh... very very disappointed... very stressful ah... damn it... walk so fast to 201 and bought ingredients... saw my good friend at 201... can't even find words to chat with her... just say a 'eh' and dashed home... threw everything on the dining table... sat down and finally got some breathe... from 201 to home, i was panting lor... heart beats like crazy... almost wan to faint ah... some more just ate 2 slices of bread for breakfast and a cup of bubble tea for lunch... tahan until dinner... don feel hungry at all...
emh... cook a very delicious pork chop... all thanks to the marination for an hour... my brother ate it straight after i served it on plate...
go bed early today... hope can wake up tomolo...
------ cherish
darlin left a note at 9:26 PM
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Monday, July 11, 2005
he: wat's ur answer (forget wat is the real phrase but meaning the same)
me: i'm sorry
he: its okay
me: it's my fault... don blame urself... u r a good man, it's only i don know how to appreciate... cannot be couple but can b friends mah... friends are forever...
he: i understand
me: promise me 一定要比我幸福
... 10th july ... sunday ... before 11am ...
no matter it is a puppy love or an admiration or a real love or marriage or wat... there's no chemistry means there's no chemistry... no one can force a couple together if they have no commitment for each other... since ii'm the one who ditched him, i wan him to be more happier than me... proof to me that it was a correct decision not to be with me... earnestly, not consoling him... i just felt that i'm not worth to be loved... it hurts him... it hurts me double...
i told vera... i guessed vera was imagining me that i'm crying and slogging in my room... hahahahaa... i'm not a weak person even i'm hurted... it actually made me more stronger... just like wat i said... y make urself so low... the sun will still shine, the stars will still twinkle, even your days are dim... in fact... it seemed that the heavy stone in me was carried off... it was not a childish decision... maybe i did not look at the bring side... i don't fall in love with someone i understood too much.. because the fire will be bigger and sooner... i wan a person who changed me and not the person who i changed... haiz... don understand never mind... will not cost a skin from u...
actually i'm an easily hot-tempered person... u can see my smiling... u can see me being sarcastic... tt's a way that i control my temper... whereas, i see him as a person that i can't control my temper... everyone does has his/her limit... i will blow up to him within one day... whether u will believe or not... u most probably won't... because u don know wat's the chemistry in me... u can see couples get together so lovely and you think it is easy... nothing in this world is easy... it consists of fate too...
the nicest things in this world will have it's parting, one day...
blogged here... get on tracks... projects are still waiting for me... not much time left... ^_^
mon - free
tue - project
wed - project
thurs - outing
fri - driving
sat - appointment
sun - bladding?! re-charging for the war......
------ cherish
darlin left a note at 12:42 PM
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Saturday, July 09, 2005
well well well.... wat's ups in me... a man can lives without a women, why can't a women lives without a man... there's only one seat in every person's heart... i don wan anything from anyone... i just wan everyone to be happy, i'm satisfied... life is simple and happy, even i'm alone... quoted from some body...
after 12am, it will be 10th july... haiz... time passed so fast... i almost can't catch up... wat's so special of 10th july leh.. two person birthday... eileen's youngest cousin, yan zi and my friend aka god-bro's aka god-father's aka something else's birthday... he is rather a special player in my life... wan to know the reasons...?! i don wan to tell u leh... i guessed you most probably the small little portion of the episode... so... not necessary to replay from start to ending... well... beg me lar... convinced me lar... i may consider...
haiz... haiz... haiz... sighing is the best antidote... this few days, practising coco lee's song... reasons?! i wan to be a singer.................... -_-'''... no lar... just joking... the glass panel will crack... the speaker will rot... the mic will run away before i run away from it... i was examining how my voice sound like this... rather childish and hig pitch... an unmatured tone... not suitable to sing... but when i hear my voice when i speak to myself, it is okay leh... when i talk to thru the phone or thru the mic... it sucks...
the superstar is like shit... just look and listen... don call and support... useless thing...
Derrick Hoh Wei Jian, in the Channel U Superstar... he is simply lovely, enchanting and a boy yet a man look... unique vocal and good singing style... don forget he got vampire tooth... ^_^... i can say that he is better than Sly sim lor... but kanna elimated... 17/09/1985, virgo, a+, 165.5cm, 50kg... oh... y do this guy exist in this world... oh... check him out in
superstar.channelu.com.sg/project/male03.htm
friendster.com/user.php?statpos=bc&uid=2735397
groups.yahoo.com/group/hohweijian
... >_<... sorry... too obsessed...
anyway some words for the birthday boy tomolo even he can't hear me...
i may not be the last, i may not be the first... but i wan to be your forever...
your forever friend...
a friend who you will not talk to even i'm next to you...
a friend who you will not remember even the world is coming to an end...
but i will always be here, no matter how big the universe is...
because the world had made you and it is the day of you...
happy birthday...
may all your wishes come true... remember always to be happy...
------ cherish
darlin left a note at 9:37 PM
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Friday, July 08, 2005
well... wat to blog... had a tired yesterday... most probably today also... have bowling games with my '死 shi 友 you' eileen... today another 5 games with my gor gor... don noe wat he is on mind lar... don go work... wanna go play bowling... siao...
yesterday he asked me wat i'm on mind when i'm organising steamboat for my class next thurs... well... nothing wat... can't we have a gathering... 'who does he thinks he is...' he asked me again had i made up my mind... 'only you all don noe... only i noe...' haiz... i just replied, maybe you have know the answer... maybe you have not know the answer... we need to talk one day, in front of each other... sadly, the answer probably is not wat he wans... don be couples can be friends wat... friends are for forever...
some times, i was wondering why the one being loved is me and what am i doing in this world if i'm not being loved... i had ever vow that i'm not going to get married in my life...
eiLeeN - true love never runs smooth...
live in this world is for us to enjoy all the happiest moment in our life... the sad things don remember...
i really wan to thank god that i have such two good friends in my life... eileen poh and veralynn... they made my life filled with colours... 'it's alright that god doesn't know who i am...'
------ cherish
darlin left a note at 11:48 AM
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Wednesday, July 06, 2005
yeah... finally end... 3 days term test... 'ya.. nothing to be happy about...' today paper was tough too... unprepared lar...
went to eastpoint... cos dote my brother... so went there to buy pig liver for him lor... den wen to pet safari... earlier went there, they were all sleeping... den went again... hahahaha... woke up liao... so cute men... made my heart melt... den there one dog, white husky... don noe is he or she... anywhere... his playmate was brought out of the cage... cos got customer wan to buy... den he was barking and barking... probably sad cos his playmate is leaving him... den the in-charge one, first time used warning... the next time hor... right in front of me, slap tt doggie... tt doggie immediately keep quiet... oh my god... i was stunt there... the in-charge saw me... i stared at him... i think next time he saw me again... he won't dare to see me ah... wah liew... slap tt doggie leh... i was......................... hurts me... btw, the in-charge is a guy... 'u better be careful ah...'
plan for the term break... hmm... tomolo go bowling with vera and eileen... eileen praised vera very pretty... she was amazed... she couldn't believe there's such pretty person living in this world... haha... 'she is my dearie mah...' den plan to go marina south for steamboat with my class... but wei kang will follow... scared he lonely... so his class is invited... i feel like going to pub and have some drinks... wat's tt day leh... don forget... den following days... usual stuff... do projects lor...
fall in love with coco lee - baby dui bu qi...
hope to sing it to him... 'my voice suck... i noe...' quite meaningful...
------ cherish
darlin left a note at 4:43 PM
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Tuesday, July 05, 2005
hmm... no good no good... emtionally and physically in confusion... had an unusual day... didn't expect doing somethings which unusually didn't do them in usual routine... a sudden change... don noe wat happened... but i noe won't last long...
you know wat... i have been thinking of a word to describe this 'unusual event' but i just couldn't remember of the word.. damn it... haiz...
today paper sucks man... don noe how to answer... 95% IQ tactics... me low IQ but high EQ... probably get around 80% for this paper bah... tomolo is the last paper... pimples popping here and there... haiz... another burden... not i wan one...
time is running fast... the day is coming soon... i'm still bewildering... who is going to help me leh... i don noe wat to do... i don noe wat i wan again... maybe i'm lack of experiences... maybe i'm too high in expectations... maybe we don understand each other... maybe there's really no chemistry between us... haiz... if he shows no initative on tt day... tt's it... if he shows oso tt's it... haiz... how to explain leh... maybe a quack nostrum can help...
" wat is love.. to hide or to show... does it really matter... it matters how hurts it was... i fall in love with this person... holding his hand will only be my fantasy... standing at one corner observing him, will be enough... i don't wish that we will be together... because i'm not worth... i'm just a nightmare who will bring nightmare to... i'm not a good person... i hate love... but i want to be in love and get love in the way it is perfect... " (rubbish)
something wanting to tell u, dearie... "talk to him... tell him wat u wan...tell him tt u wan some room of privacy... dare to tell him tt u have the rights... the blanket can cover u but u still need some air to breathe..."
okay... end of today... wish me good luck for tomolo for the last paper...
darlin left a note at 6:23 PM
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Monday, July 04, 2005
hmm... why am i not studying and still blog leh... hehe... still got some time before i go and cook dinner... tomolo is OB paper... not really need to study but still have to study... today paper was an easy task... targetted to get A but i guessed i will slip by the chance... no fear... there's nothing i can't succeed in this world... haha...
had the usual breakfast gang, wei kang and vera... 'i noe i'm always the lightbulb... never change... stupid wei kang talked about him again... no worry... i will not blame him...' i feel quite sad that the truth has to be the truth... am i going to tell him the truth or am i going to hide from him until one day i berserk... we have no chemistry at all... just the usual classmate relationship i always get... i didn't wan anything much... i just hope that there's a special 'feeling' from someone who likes me and i likes... i'm so sorry... you are a good person perhaps, i'm not the good person who doesn't know how to treasure you...
that pain that vera's love one, granny, is ill... it is inevitable... 'but her granny is oso very stubborn and lazy... old peoples are like that one lar...' my granny or ah ma or grandma... 'i was born to know that i only have one granny... my mother side one only...' she was dispaired for quite sometime after my grandpa passed away... but wat i noe was i managed to make her laugh after that with the help of the 'crazy' luo han fish...' there's always a time when everything become peaced... 'cannot say back to normal lar... one is gone is gone...'
everyone has to go thru that roller coaster soon or later... 'i will always be ther for you...' vera seemed wanting to tell me something but her dear dear always sticked to her... haiz... called that lovely bah... i'm always here if you needs me anytime...
hmm... feel quite gulity that the class has to become like that... anti-'her' society... haiz... why is she like that... those close to her can tahan her, but why can't she put herself in other people's shoe... what do she thinks she is... a good soul will repay with its good deed... a bad soul will repay with its bad deed...
ciao... pray for everything is smoothly tomolo...
Where a bottleneck of sky showed between the hills, dark and light clouds lay in alternating layers like varicolored liquid that would not mix. --William Gay, The Long Home
------ cherish
darlin left a note at 6:50 PM
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Sunday, July 03, 2005
life is so fragile... who could do nothing when mishap doesn't falls on us... but... what about those who are at the peak of life...
my uncle passed away 10 years ago due to lung cancer... his last word to me was, "that man was crazy... everytime so noisy..." this 9 words... he stared into my eyes and told me that... though i was sleepy, his pale face and yellowish eyes, how could i not remember... you may think it is meaningless... you may not get what it means... but it was the last time my uncle spoke to me... he passed away a few days later... i couldn't understand the feeling that time as i was still young...
last year, 21st oct 2004, my grandpa passed away peacefully... he was not diagnosed with cancer but due to stomach tumor... stomac tumor... you msy think it is nothing... for the miserable three months he suffered... he could eat nothing... he vomitted after he ate... he could not do operation... he was waiting for the "time"... even you have as much money you have in your entire life, a healthy body is much important than money... the "time" has to come, no matter who you are...
i was sallowing my tears... his big tummy, as big as 6 months pregnant women, became so flat overnight... he was forcing smile... 7 days of funeral, my grandma cried.. so do i... i missed him so much... don know is he having better life in the nether world or not... please be more healthy in your next life... i still wan to be your grand-daughter for the inifity next life we have... i love you, ah gong... i'm sorry that i did not visit you for the last time... i'm sorry that i won't allow ah ma to join you so early... i wan her to see my successes in life... such as a great-grandchild from me even i won't know how to be a good mother... i hope that you could hear me...
an old person who is diagnosed with illness, is he/she better to leave this world earlier or to seek medication to enjoy more days in this world...?
NKF Cancer charity show... you know wat... even i'm 19 years old this year, i could not call and donate money... all i could do was to pray for those who needs help... 'god, please give them a courage to live another day...'
there were 2 boys, 10 years old and 7 years old... they had not seen the whole world but they had seen the darken side of the world... both of them were diagnosed with cancer... how long could they live, they may be wondering... it's hurts... i cried...
i will never forget and i will treasure, the time i have, and the ones with me, in my life...
------ cherish
darlin left a note at 9:37 PM
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Friday, July 01, 2005
coincidence in life... how many times had you come across...
18 years olf life... there were 5 or rather 6 amazing events that i just counldn't imagine...
firstly, my cousin's classmate(f) or as well his admirer at tt time, was my pri sch classmate, linda's elder sister... i and my cousin went to my cousin's friend's house to give her a christmas present... it was when i found out that the house telephone number was the same as my classmate...
secondly, my brother's ns mate and also mahjong's friend was my sec sch's classmate, yee woen's elder brother...
thirdly, kenny, who is now my poly classmate, is my pri sch, p1's and p2's classmate... in the old days, he used to stick with my first admirer, nicholas... but don noe where the hell nicholas's is now...
forthly, it happened june last year... my whole family went to pasir ris beach for bbq... it was a sunny day so we change the bbq pit to our neighbour's pit, which was under the tree... since there's no one occupying it... den... at late evening, a group of people came... their expressions showed that we were using their pit... fine with it... we are going off soon... but... but... never expected that the group of people, the only lady there, she was linda... my pri sch classmate... (mentioned above) haiz... we have not met for five years and we finally reunion...
my instructor told me before that her daughter was a singer in the 'singer cafe' it was at marina square... i finally got to know... today, my driver instructor told me that her daughter is the same age as me... he asked me what is my primary school... 'expected...' he replied... i was like... 'wat happened...' he told me again that i probably knew who was her daughter... and... tt's not wrong... her daughter, eileen chen keying, was my primary school classmate... omg... and she was the 2nd runner up for the superstar in fm88.3... not forgetting, my instructor was from the school's student union... means that he was my senior many levels ahead of me... when my school was still at another part of singapore... i was like... 'huh...'
events like my another instructor's daughter is my poly junior... my mother's friend is my sec sch senior's mother... etc... couldn't remember any more... there were such small and yet coincidence event that 'i had
used to it'... nothing surprsing now... more to come... i predict...
the world is actually not small... only the people in the world feel it is big..."
hey hey... haven term test already planned activites during term break... hey hey... wat did i plan... hmm... on 9th july or 11th july... morning, 10am... go and meet him and 'confess' to him... den went to marina square for bowling game... with 02 and 03 ppl... got pool... got aracade... got bowling... got cinema... not boring at all... but my purpose was a bowl game, 02 verse 03... haha... with chong hu and some heroes in our class... no sweat no fear... i just wan to brush up my skills nia... in the evening, when to have a reunion with my pri sch classmate... of course... want to listen to my pri sch classmate, eileen, at the 'singers' cafe'... u c... so nice... so enjoying... only i'm mentally stress... sad after confessing -> tired after bowling game -> happy after reunion and found my long lost friend's wherabout... haiz.. enjoy can liao lar... so hope tt my term test is successfully scored with flying colors and term break faster come... haha...
------ cherish
