sometimes, i really felt regret after accepting the offer to shanghai for osip.... sometimes, i really felt dsigrace being a daughter of the mother... sometimes, i really felt sad living in this world... i'm sick...
receiving from all the worries from my LO and care-person of the mother of mine, i really wanted to give up everything to be a normal person... all my friends supported me... my brother and my father supported me... but not my mother... y... because she is worried... because she does not believe any of my words... she wanted to follow me to shanghai... she wanted to investigate the company... omg... i feel so disgrace... i really wanted to give up my golden opportunity... because of her...
i just hope that my mother was like the 'normal' mother in this world... be supportive and friendly... have the mutual trust between the relationships... and the understanding of one another... but... the mother of mine is none of the above... not even being shave close to any of the points... no... she loves me so she cares... but did she ever think whether how others feel... the cares that she gave made me hates...
if she doesn't wan me to go to shanghai, pls voiced it out... if she doesn't wan me to step out of the house, pls voiced it out... if she doesn't wan me, pls voiced it out... i appreciated... and will be grateful... wat is the reason to born me and doesn't let me show my rays of talent... she never knows what i am great of... her only concern was to have a dinner when she gets home... the days when i went out to work... she complained no one to cook for her... tell me wat do she wans the duty of a daughter to be...
bill gate's liked sum of unlimited money... high standard of living with 10 rooms... maids that serve 24 hours a day, 60 minutes an hour, 60 seconds a minute... her son that will not get married... her husband is described till useless... file for divorce and get another man... wat others have, she also wans... wat's the reasons of living...
i wanted so much... i wanted a boyfriend that loves me... i wanted to get married... i wanted to have children... i wanted to have a family of my own... that was only my fantasy... my dream was scattered when i get to understand the family... my mother ever says, "ur next generation will get retributions wat u did in this generation..." great... a mother said to her daughter... i believed... so i don wan that to happen... i will rather be the one who suffered and not get the next generation of mine to suffer... wat if my children treats me like the 'me' of how i treat my mother now... i won't never wan tt to happen... never... i had lived for 19 years in miserable... y can't i continued to live for the next 19 years... for the next next 19 years... for the rest of my life...
i'm so sick... i just hope that nothing had happened... i do nnoe wat disgrace i will be having tomolo when i go to CDC to cancel my test date... perhaps... no one in this world will understand how hard i have been living... stop this game... i don wan to be the lead anymore... let's end this... i noe i will regret... but it is better not to let my tears hid in my heart forever...
this sun, 9am, channel u... Go Home... a korean movie... a movie that made me cried until don noe wat's heaven, wat's hell, before the first disc ended... i love my granny...
------ cherish
darlin left a note at 11:17 PM
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Thursday, August 25, 2005
counting down 11 days to exam first paper... counting down 14 days to end of end... counting down 21 days to bbq... counting down 24 days to fly... counting down 38 days to my birthday... =( counting down 77 days back from shanghai... .. .. ..
haiz... time fly so fast... panting all the way... luckily left one more project... tt one no fear... since the most troublesome ones had passed...
well... really happy tt i had did 3 things tt made me happy recently...
1) able to inspire KWoo to work harder... life is dark... but there's hole of light for u to guide... like the friends u have beside... ups and downs of life, that's parcel of life... you cannot succeed something because you are sitting there doing nothing... you have to work hard... the more you hate, the more it will torture you... y don u like it and proved it tt u can do it... u have completed more than 10 years of education... poly is only 3 years... or even more... y can't u bare with it and let it pass... wat's the problem, man... go ns now... c'mon... i believe you can do it... because in ur darkness fear, u can seek help anytime from "FireFly"... conditions apply...
2) did a good ob interview... thsi is how i define "success" using my own brain... (action a little bit...) Our interviewee may not be the big successors in life that was recognized by the entire world. however, I personally deemed that no one is unsuccessful in their life. Being success cannot be measured nor compared with another person. He or she is successful in some way that he or she feels he or she has succeeded "something"... good hor... don noe who wrote one leh... so smart... haiz...
3) well... "did something unfaithful yet so happy"... found this phrase familiar... hahaha... i'd downloaded 5566's new album before it was released... haha... of course unfaithful lar... if not... wat r u thinking... not bad lar... mostly r&b style... however, i will buy their album oso... remember... whether is i'm in singapore or not... must wait for the artists' promotion notice that they are coming to singapore for autograph session... then u buy a few days before they arrived... i learnt my mistake...
haiz... how leh... no one to celebrate my birthday with me... got lar... hui peng only... nothing special... haiz... don ask too much lar... must be happy on tt day if not will regret...
feel like going swimming... but lazy leh... i wan slight tanned before holiday starts... suddendly wan buy a bracelet... haiz... see got which day free or not... go shopping... i wanna watch movie leh... but expensive leh... haiz... i need a laptop... perhaps i need a mp3 oso... haiz... i'm going to miss everyone... ='(... the one i missed most is... eileen... haha... others pls don get jealous... i got a lot of reasons one...
reasons ah... hmm... i spend my growing period time mostly with her... she understands me the most... similarity... i understand her too... but... cannot compared with her twin sister lar... twin sisters liao... we always go shopping together... we always go swimming together... we always play badmination together... we always take the same bus to go home together... we always eat together... we always play togther... we work together... we always sleep together... emh... i mean in camp... the whole classroom so many people... we sleep next to each other only wat... but... i'm sorry to say that i'm the big bullier of her... of course i feel regrets lar... but i changed the attitude towards her liao hor... i'm very kind one... hor... now she bullied me... haiz... can say we almost spend all the time together during the days in sec sch... lesser in poly... we can't leave each other... i'm always like a sister to her... i mean a matured yet younger one... haha... she don noe how to express out her feelings... tt's the thing tt made me so pathetic...
haiz.. forgot wan to share wat liao... so talkative... as if i'm dying soon... wat the hell... cowz...
no matter who u r... need help, feel free to dail 6999... to leave a voice message, press 10 to page, please proceed as usual... di di di di di di di... tu....
happy 18th birthday LioneLoH...
------ cherish
darlin left a note at 3:17 PM
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Monday, August 22, 2005
well... many htings happened... overall... a stone was dissolved in me... presentation was bably done... but nevermind... left only OB and PMI interviews...
well... talk about sad thing... MI... a presentation that i forsee will get a distinction or at least an A... haiz... got B will be good lar... crap man... don know how to present then don present lor... let me stoning at one corner... hoping the teacher couldn't hear... next... haiz... haiz... haiz... last minute work again... PST... suck suck suck suck suck suck suck... once in my life time used 2 hours to do a report and full craps of presentation... haiz... this type of group mates... this type of tutor... this type of cds... failure man... i admit... i find faults in me too... but i only hope that tt man can pass his cds for this last semester of his poly life... pray hard...
something don noe is good or bad... i had this feeling that some one is eyeing for me... tt Senior Citizen... pathetic lor... compare himself with BH and QH... as if i care... wan to know so much about me... as if i will tell u... asking him a favor to lent me his mp3 for my trip to shanghai... haiz... ask so much... sickening... i hope that my night mare never happened in my real life... NEVER... NO... PLEASE... i will rather fall in love with some one younger than me than him... yucks...
talking about my new younger brother... ah sheng... i don noe... i seemed to find his name familiar... i seemed to know him a lot... i seemed to know what is in his mind... hmm... was my previous related to him... hmm... haha... don joke about him in front of him... he is just my leisure pet topic... something that may interest me and new...!?!?
haiz... pathetic day of the month... almost want to cry out... got punching from 2 guys... got remarking from 2 man... pathetic... low low ah... let it pass... tomolo will be a better day... pathetic... y people don feel ashame when people find he/she so ridiculous... haiz...
"...we have created a Singapore spirit – courageous but compassionate, confident but never complacent. This spirit will hold us together, as one united people, each one doing his part, each one contributing to remaking our nation and building our home. Together we will make Singapore a vibrant global city called home..." PM LHL
------ cherish
darlin left a note at 8:49 PM
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Thursday, August 18, 2005
finally able to breathe after my MI project is almost complete... 85% satisfy... haiz... still got a lot of projects yet to complete... haiz... at least... my 'Z' distinction is near... haiz... depends oso lar... if others group member didn't show the expected standard... nothing to say... good luck...
19 sept to 11 nov... 99%... all of you will miss me... haha...
now listening to project superstar... Kelly Pooh... i have faith in her... haiz.. my dear derrick out liao... heart pain... c'mon... she got gf... >_<... 2nd hope for guy is Jun Yang... if tt blind man wins... arg... see him one time, kick him one time... haha... violent... he no good in singing at all lor... only 'chances' and 'opportunity' is siding him... >P...
hmm... wat's more to share... hmm... c first lar...
------ cherish
darlin left a note at 8:25 PM
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Monday, August 15, 2005
for the past 1 hour... wat am i doing... 5 in 1... sleeping... eating... doing projects... listening to music... chatting in msn... all doing at the same time using one body of mine... god... i just hope that the time could pause...
surrounding by 3 guys while in the lab... my mood range from max happy to max angry... jokes and humilations... haiz... my group mates... terrible... not much i can recall from the conversation except this... i did a lot of the things in the projects...
really...?! maybe... and maybe tt's the cause for my tiresome... but... if i'm not doing... what will be progress of the projects now... wrapped with spider webs... i don noe... i don wan any praises of how good am i nor i wan any compliments of how hardworking am i... i'm expecting wat i wan for my work... working with me is stressful... i strongly agreed... plus my lone ranger thinking and action... people catch no ball of wat i'm doing... aarrgg... just bare with me... c'mon...
perhaps... i'm seeking a "perfection"... a perfection that makes stress... a perfection that makes doubts... a perfection that make unexplainable results...
no one is not to be blame for wat perfection one-self is seeking...
an example like vera's relationship... i have to admit that i'm a greenhorn in relationship... but... putting one in another person's shoes... wat you see may not be wat you expect... give and take... forgive and forget... it is fate that begets 2 person together... it is fate that you must treasure what you have... it is fate to make yourself fits to the situation... overall, humans are made differently... no one is identitical... because of the upgrading surrounding, everyone is increasing what one is "wanting"... like nature takes it course... smile and brought over with it... [vera... you may not understand wat i'm trying ot show... u usually hang out with feng sheng... he will be a speaker then... i only treat him like a younger brother...]
end here... enuff of craps...
------ cherish
darlin left a note at 10:54 PM
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a short one... snoozing...
it already 12.30am... y am i still awake... for this week ahead... tests are occupying every day of the week... but so lazy today... not lie on the bed then is watch tv if not sleep... c'mon... actually going for esc camp in the morning one... but... lazy lor... den receive jia seng sms... scs... hmm... y m i been occupied with these unexpected activities... haiz... around 9.30, 10pm then wanna go eat dinner... luckily no one at home...
ya ah... don noe wat i'm doing lar... got time to rest den rest... if not stuck myself in front fof the computer doing projects... haiz... life is boring... no melody and life at all... anywhere... there's no way that i can change... just bare for a month... then can really take a break liao...
when i'm having holiday while the rest is having sip... i think i wan to go out and work... but where leh... feel like going airport to work... but no lobang... feel like going GV to work... but pay quite low... i don really mind... no need to say going back to the korean restaurant and a & one lar... no way... tt's me... don like to be wearing back the same old shoe... even it is old, wear it with a new self...
gtg... don wan to be late for sch tomolo... tomolo is mktint lab test... no problem man... got confident can get an A... oh... no... must be humble... hope to get a A or... aiming for an A... it is not easy or wat lar... it is just... simple... hmm...
nite... sweet dreams... sail smoothly everyday...
------ cherish
darlin left a note at 12:35 AM
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Thursday, August 11, 2005
down with flu and sore throat... =(... forced to rest and not stuck with computer... now left mi, eecma, decan, pst, pmtinno projects... hmm... seems like all the subjects... haiz... i'm the most lazy one... didn't type report... but got contribute... i do ppt hor... the usage of creativity... i'm pro in... but must see lar... i happy... do nice nice... not happy... let you see craps...
osip is confirm yet i'm not anxious about it... i was rather worried and boring... no salary... 1st oct to 7th oct is china national day golden week... no need to work i guessed... den that lone ranger is going to her uncle there... left me alone... where am i going to go... Shanghai leh... c'mon... the ever first and overseas birthday i am going to celebrate ALONE... NO... NO... NO... don wan lar... once in a year... never had the chance to celebrate happily... haiz... except sec 5 lar... the ever first time i celebrated with my sec-sch classmate... though nothing... the warmth and feelings... anyone can understand... my tears were shed for happiness... it was 2 years ago... wat about this year...
sitting in front of the window... staring at the starry shanghai sky view... occupying my ears with the bustling of the road... singing happy birthday song to myself and enjoying a one person share of cake...
i thought of asking my friends over to shanghai... haha... play plus celebrate... i'm asking too much... the least possible solution is to ask Xiao Rui to accompany for tt day will do... the others day... do shopping... haiz... wat to do... be prepared and be strong for wat you can't solve... proved to myself that i can be independent... because i'm living in the land... that only have me as the lead...
don worry... i will organise either chalet on the week 12th sept to 19th sept... or just a gathering at the fisherman village... i had enough of hope to be thrown away... just a small request... won't die rite...
enuf of splitting toxic... sick of my family... sick of my friends... i'm sick... it seemed like the flu tablet taken yeaterday night is having effects of drownizness now...
just hoping that everyone's dreams come true... just hope that everything goes smoothly...
------ cherish
darlin left a note at 1:18 PM
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Monday, August 08, 2005
currently in Decan lab... slacking for the next hour plus for my psps lesson at 5pm... haiz... today national day eve leh... give singapore a break lar... y poly students do not enjoy the holiday as pri sch and sec sch and even jc students have...
i like this lab computer facilities... keyword very soft... CPU usb port is at the top corner of the unit... mouse very smooth oso... all are NEC brand...
haiz... projects are never ending... just receive confirmation that it is confirmed... i'm going shanghai for my osip... when mah... during school holiday... =(... no holiday again... exact date haven confirm... will it still be shanghai... well... unpredictable... see until that time shanghai will submerge into the sea already or not...
my mind was rotating with thoughts... whether to thry myself into fire or lose the chance to see there's ice in the fire or not... i don noe... my only financally supporter is not safe with my decision and the school... she is afraid that it may cost a lot... c'mon... i just wan her to believe me that i will return her the money i own, with my entire life...
about the chalet... it maybe pushed forward or even cancel... if i push forward... it will be the week straight after exam... so is... 12th to 14th sept... haiz...
i wan to be strong for the things that i can't solve...
btw, 6th aug is my mother 52th birthday... wishing her... hiaz... understand humn more... i don wan to be bull-shit... 7th aug is vinson and vanness wu birthday... happy birthday... even thought i sms vinson, he never replied... don noe he received my blessing or not... i noe my blessing is not as impt as others... but being ur friend for more than 10 years, the friendship never withered... happy birthday to everyone in singapore... i was born in singapore and i will die in singapore...
------ cherish
darlin left a note at 4:10 PM
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Wednesday, August 03, 2005
为什么, 是我...
in this life of mine... i have a huge disadvantage about myself... i don noe... i care too much about others when making decision... haiz...
for what you are going to know later... please keep to ourselves... if you are not the person who can keep to yourself, den don read... otherwise... if you slipped out any words and i intentionally found out... legal actions will be implement on you... you understooded... it's serious... very serious... cos it is my responsibility to listen to someone's order...
I'm selected to be sent overseas for my SIP... thanks to Hui Ping and Mr Eric Wee... the top in standard in BZE and the terrible CP of mine... Venue was said to be ShangHai... When to depart, it is an important yet unknown fact...
why is it important because it may crash with my driving test... No... pray hard for me... if crash rite... definitely, it will affect my test date... =(... either to give up the fee or i need super human help to save me... secondly, the chalet may be cancelled... =(... who ask me to be the organiser... i don noe what will happen... just pray that the gods will pity this innocent child of theirs... c'mon...
mr eric wee told me a super serious matter... if "situations" happened when i'm in overseas, i can do nothing but to accept it... "am i that type of person..." i don noe... of course i noe... some things are fated... but wat i believe was, there's never unsolveable problems in this universal... it may happen... i'll may be surprised or shocked... i may scream... i may shout... i may cry... i may die... jus that... nothing will stop it from happening... prevention is better than cure... why prevent... because it will happen... but how serious is it going to happen... you prevent it...
OSIP... it is an opportunity for me... i may regret if i went... but... i will regret if i don give myself a chance... whatever may happen that can prevent or cure, be calm and let it go... just like the rain and the result of my previous driving test... i have to accept the fact... and i have to... hope to have an interesting trip to Shanghai with Hui Ping and don't let the class down... i'm special because it's me... ^_^
i suddenly revised... why am i the one chosen and not wendy or vera... because... during the conversations with hui ping and eric wee... they pointed out... didn't failed any subjects... okay... there's only left wendy, vera and me... den... eric wee asked... do you have bf... haha... you should know the reasons now...
ciao... rushing for my tutorial work... take care all...
p.s. remember DON TELL ANY ONE... take my words... it hurts...
------ cherish
darlin left a note at 11:21 PM
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Tuesday, August 02, 2005
8.30am in the morning... my phone forced the lazy bones of me up... finally... the burden is shook off... great thanks to patricate (i don noe how to spell the name) and mr tay... 13th October (wed), 3.25pm... Re-test for my practical... sure pass... haiz... i hope that i learnt from my silly mistakes and hope that the god treats me better lar... "i will repay them..." more than next life become dog or pig only...
i met a "expensive man"(translate into chinese)... i was so worried because i don noe when can i get the test date... so many ppl book the test... delay and delay... y don settle faster... get my liciense... one year liao leh... ppl don say i oso noe... so paisai... don worry... failure is the mother of sucess... success is the child of failure... haiz... lolx... u see... i extreme happy again... haiz... die earily ah... every the kettle will spoil needn't say a human...
tt expensive man is my CDC instructor... car #1... Mr Tay... he is an old man lar... everytime don noe is can hear me talk or he just likes to repeat himself... but... he is a very very good instructor... help me check the time and help to book the test date... >_<... so touched... so paisai too... then he about every hour or two called me and inform me about the timing... "how this... how that... look out for u... i ask some one to book for u..." even just now... Mr tay called me... confirm with me that my receipt is with him... ask me go and collect from him the next lesson... haiz... such a nice person... in this world... not many left lor... but at least got 2... mr tay and me... haha...
wei kang failed his BTT... ahiya... nothing unusual... but he will kanna suan by his classmates... some more tt time feng sheng failed, he suan feng sheng until don noe what... don give up... the next time will success... i told myself one... >_<...
going paragon tomolo... don noe will get lost or not... hope not lar... Singapore is just a red dot... national day is coming... my dearie vera asked wanna chill out next week or not... my heart... i wan lar... but i reconsider again... i feel very odd leh... haiz... jsut odd... i prefer to lock myself in my house... not i don wan... it's just... emh... just say i can't see myself as those chiong one... i suggested but never had the courage to do so... words speaks louder than action... i admit and i surrender... maybe when i looked more mature and more seducive... den... maybe situation will be different... siao... i anti-social one leh... i go watch movie myself whereas u all go chill out...
ciao... don noe wat to do oso... no scv liao... tomolo semester exam timetable wil be out.. probabl it's time for me to think carefully about my future... wat am i going to do...?! am i capable to do it...?! words speak louder than action...?! but something i can confirm is... i don wan to get married leh... so wat i carry my own coffin to my own grave... =P... nothing can change my impression about 'family'...
------ cherish
darlin left a note at 9:58 PM
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Monday, August 01, 2005
sick sick sick sick... sick of everything...
the world is not siding me any more... down with bad bad bad luck this month... haiz... asked my instructor, mr tay to book my pratical test date for me... in the end... he asked som eone else to check for me... haiz... my hope crashed again... it's fully booked... i guessed... even it is in late afternoon... i have to take it... haiz... i missed tt opportunity... from 7th oct suddenly become 14th october... just 2 days of waiting gave such a big different... the risk is much bigger lor... delay and delay... i'll lost my patience... some more i so picky... haiz... sick ah... y can't i passed my test last sat... all sorts of excuses will not save my foolishment... i'm to all blames... i'm such a failure... extremely disappointed about myself...
haiz... today morning so unhappy... nothing an cure me... i don even know wat i'm doing... just filled myself with fire and freezer... extreme ah... so worried that i will offend anyone... haiz... it offended oso no surprise lar... i'm not having pms... i'm just losing myself... lost my soul... hungry ghost festival le mah... my soul went for holiday...
he... cared for me... but i just can't accept him... i don't have any feelings towards him... love can be nutured... but feelings cannot... it comes and goes... it is inside one's heart... something tt cannot be forced or made... haiz... i ever had a wet "day-dream" with me and xiao rui... xiao rui is rather an interesting person... with lots of personal story to hear and learn from... but... he is not my type... only brotherly-hood... i guessed... my feelings towards everyone had become like brotherly... Love... wat's that...?! there's no love in my dictionary, there's no love in my eyes and there's no love in this world...
time past so fast... it's already august... wat had i done... it seemed nothing at all... but i'm exhausting and i'm exhausted... haiz... just let me comtinue to sigh... haiz... i noe it's irriating...
------ cherish
darlin left a note at 9:05 PM
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My Biodata`
Karine
KaiLin
Keiko
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03101986
winter_firefly@hotmail.com
winter_firefly@lycos.com
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aTTaCHeD BuT STiLL aVaiLaBLe
Academic`
Jan 1990 - Nov 1992
PAP Community Foundation Kaki Bukit Branch Kindergarten
Jan 1993 - Nov 1998
Gongshang Primary School
Jan 1999 - Nov 2003
Dunman Secondary School
20 Jun 2004 - 16 Feb 2007
Temasek Polytechnic
Diploma in Business Process And Systems Engineering (BZE)
Elective in Small Business Development
Qualifications`
The Associated Board of the Royal Schools of Music
- Piano Theory Grade 1
The Associated Board of the Royal Schools of Music
- Piano Theory Grade 2
Swimming Beginner
Swimming Intermediate
Class 3 Driving Lesson
Afflications`
2004: 05 Jan - 29 May
A & One Precision Engineering Pte Ltd
Finance (AP) Department
Sales (Coordinator) Department
2004: 16 Oct - 24 Nov
Manna Korean Restaurant
Frontline Waitress
2005: 18 Sept - 11 Nov
Amtek (Shanghai) Precision Engineering Pte Ltd
Finance Intern
2006: 27 Feb - 21 Apr
Government of Singapore Investment Corporation Pte Ltd
APD/COMBEN
2006: 18 Sept - ???
Eurocopter SouthEast Asia International Headquarter
QC (Admin Assistant) Department